Stage Select

Writing Advice Thread


Recommended Posts

I'm not giving any advice. I am actually looking for some. Does anyone here write? I'm working on a book. A fantasy novel of sorts. Even drew a world map with my atrophied art talents. No, I don't have any delusions of grandeur, I just want to see if I can actually do it. So anyone have any tips or suggestions? I know I'm usually a sarcastic bastard but I am actually serious about this. Preliminary world map as proof.

 

OLD MAP

jZYt3r0.jpg

 

UPDATED MAP

Np7wq6L.jpg

 

BOOK 1 MAP (Final?)

2Jf4Sjw.jpg

Edited by Darc_Requiem
Updated Map
Link to post
7 hours ago, misterBee said:

What is the context here?

 

It's cool you drew a map but it might be easier to build the story first and worry about how the map looks later.

I've written seven chapters thus far. I drew up the map during chapter 5. I had all the locations in my head but having a visual reference helps me keep things in order. Similarly, as I create recurring characters in the story, I create a very short profile that lists vital information. Age, Hair/Eye/Skin color, etc. So as I write, I can scroll down to the bottom of my document to reference this info. I've done this with country names, cities, languages, and I even have rough time line. My memory has always been solid on these things but this something more complex than anything I've done before.

 

I have written things before but never a book. You guys have seen some of the concepts I created for SFV. That is more in line with things I've usually done. Outside of a Street Fighter fanfic I wrote Vortex Gaming Online in my teenage years, the only other thing I did was the basis for my book. I used to play Everquest 2 like a 15 plus years ago. You could right small story profile for your character, something other players could read if they inspected you. So I wrote a detailed background for every character I created. I played on the roleplaying  server. So I acted out each character, which became quite difficult as I created more. I'm sort of proud of the fact that people thought two different people played my two main characters. Only when voice chat started to become a thing did people, outside of my closest friends in the game, realize that weren't the case.

 

As I said, earlier this little rant. Those characters are the basis of my book. I've always hated how I'd crafted this interconnected set of characters that were just gone when I stopped playing. Part of the reason I played so long is because the attachment to my characters. In the years since I've always wanted to create my own world that I could place those characters in. So thing that not fade away because I wasn't playing an MMO. So I've finally decide to take what's stuck in this aging cranium of mine into a book. I want to challenge myself to see if I can do it. I don't ever plan on releasing it. If/when I finish it. I will let people trust read and critique it. If I am satisfied with my results, I may continue the story. I've thought up way too much stuff to put into one book. As I've built out the world, I have added new characters. A necessity to move the story forward. The added detail makes the story I thought may not fill a book much bigger.

 

Side note: Sorry for the massive rant. This reminds me of how I posted as teenager. Serious long winded posts. I think my posting quality is taken a severe hit as I've grown older 🤔 Oh, almost forgot. :tldr:

Edited by Darc_Requiem
Link to post

In that case I wouldn't worry about getting feedback at this stage.  A map is just a map.  If it's for your own internal use then it can look like whatever you want.  The important thing here is going to be the story.

 

Have a strong outline for your story BEFORE you begin writing it, and don't get feedback until you've worked it out.  Showing pieces bit by bit and getting/trying to follow feedback is just going to cause your work to meander and go all over the place.  Get out a solid first draft without worrying about what people think and THEN show it around.

 

Alternatively, you can do something serialized instead.  Do it chapter by chapter, but still follow the same idea -- get a solid draft of each chapter done FIRST, then show it to other people.   Doing a serialized story and publishing online a chapter at a time will be much easier than trying to spit out a full-length novel at once.

 

Worst thing you can do is try to get all kinds of input when you're not totally sure how you want things to go yet.

Link to post
  • 2 months later...
On 7/3/2019 at 5:38 PM, misterBee said:

No problem!  Please keep us posted on how things go.  I would love to see what you come up with!

I'm about half way through Chapter 12. So I'm still working on my book.  This is an outdated excerpt of Chapter 3 from April. I've made slight changes to the story since this was written.

 

Spoiler

Chapter 3

 

     As the Sun begins to pick over the mountainous horizon, a large elevated plateau comes into view. The plateau juts out from the nearby mountain. A three walled city sits at the top of the plateau and large populous town surrounds its base. Five riders on catback can be seen approaching the city from a distance. The riders stop at the outskirts of town. “Well this where we parts ways, at least for now. Ya finally broke your old man's record Nikolai. Arseni smiles as he taps the large platinum and gold coin filled sack fastened to his side. “I was annoyed when he chose his young pup to lead the band. As usual yer old man was right.” A confused Valya looks on, “I’d say you’re drunk. Never seen your dusty ole’ ass happier…but we haven’t cracked open the last cask of ale.” Nikolai, D’ianov, and Riannara all chuckle. Valya looks at the trio and laughs. “This has been the strangest job yet boss, we get double pay, you get a daughter…hell maybe I’ve been drinking ahahaha”. D’ianov looks at Valya and Arseni. “Stay out of trouble you two. I can’t have my father wasting all of his kingly favors getting you out of trouble. I may screw up one day you know.” D’ianov cracks a smile as his father lets out a belly laugh and his mother folds her arms in disapproval. “You are not setting the best example for your sister D’ianov.” Riannara exclaims. “I’ll call on you two the next time we get a job. Don’t go blowing all your coin in one day.” Nikolai addresses Arseni and Valya. The two of them nod while sporting devious grins as they ride off into town. Inyxio remains quiet. She tightly clasps her arms around Nikolai’s waist while leaning her head against his back. “Scared you’ll fall off child? We’ll both fall if you don’t loosen your grip. I need to breath ya know.” Nikolai smiles warmly at a clearly nervous Inyxio. “Let’s get you home.” The remaining riders head for the eastern outskirts of town.
     The trio of mounts and their four riders arrive at a large fort of a residence. A stone residence with two floors surrounded by four stone walls. Against the eastern wall sits a wooden stable. Adjacent to the stable, where the northern and eastern walls meets sits a small stone building. The roof of the building has a chimney at its center. There are no visible locks near the large wood door at the center of the southern wall. Riannara dismounts and approaches the wooden door. She mutters an incantation and the doors swing open. “Who needs locks when you have a Vekinsali wife.” Nikolai chuckles. An annoyed Riannara sighs. “D’ianov take the mounts to the stable. Nikolai, since you have the energy to laugh you can start dinner. Inyxio come with me.” D’ianov grabs the reigns of the three mounts and lead them to the stables. As he passes Inyxio he whispers something in her ear and she begins to giggle. Riannara narrows her eyes and Inyxio ceases giggling. “This is not a time to joke son.” Nikolai, carrying firewood for the stove, chimes in. “You wanted them to act like brother and sister.” He smirks as he heads inside to the kitchen. Riannara glares at him briefly while muttering under her breath, “It will be good to have another woman around here.” Inyxio meekly speaks. “Lady Rian…mother… is everything… alright” Riannara smiles warmly at Inyxio. “Everything is fine child. Now let us get you inside. Your mother gave me a few of your things. We will place them in the guest room.” Riannara puts her hand on her chin and ponders. “What…what is it” Inyxio looks at Riannara curiously. “It has just dawned on me that we will need to build a new guest room. Let me rephrase that. Nikolai and D’ianov will start building a guest house tomorrow.” Riannara laughs to herself.

 

Edited by Darc_Requiem
Link to post
On 9/21/2019 at 2:39 PM, Darc_Requiem said:

I'm about half way through Chapter 12. So I'm still working on my book.  This is an outdated excerpt of Chapter 3 from April. I've made slight changes to the story since this was written.

Sorry I have been a bit busy lately.

 

I will provide some feedback soon!

Link to post
1 hour ago, misterBee said:

Sorry I have been a bit busy lately.

 

I will provide some feedback soon!

Take your time man. I am considering the entire a book a rough draft anyway. After I finish it, which at the rate I'm going some time next year, I am going to look  at how other books organize and handle things. I figure it will be much easier to make changes after I've committed a complete story to "paper". Truthfully, I'm not sure if I'll even let anyone read the whole thing when it's finished. I really want to see if I can actually do this.

Link to post
  • 4 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...
On 12/7/2019 at 9:25 PM, Darc_Requiem said:

Currently working on Chapter 17 . My tentative plan is to wrap the story up by Chapter 20 but it isn't a hard cap. It depends on upon how the story progresses. It's funny how fluid my idea are. The details of my story have changed a lot from my original intentions despite the stories direction remaining the same.

Just out of curiousity -- are you working with an outline? 

 

Constantly changing the story so late into the game seems like it'd be a bit of a headache.

Link to post
  • 1 month later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...
  • 3 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Oh I guess I never posted the final word count here. 26 Chapters, an Epilogue, and 140,779 words. It came out to 301 pages in a standard 6"x9" format. I'm getting one copy printed for myself, I literally slapped together this cover with limited tools in like a half hour. BTW: That's a pseudonym and not my government name.

 

tiVmo2k.png

Edited by Darc_Requiem
Link to post
1 hour ago, Darc_Requiem said:

Oh I guess I never posted the final word count here. 26 Chapters, an Epilogue, and 140,779 words. It came out to 301 pages in a standard 6"x9" format. I'm getting one copy printed for myself, I literally slapped together this cover with limited tools in like a half hour. BTW: That's a pseudonym and not my government name.

Let me know if you would like some illustrations/art!  I will try to accommodate when I have time.

Link to post
18 hours ago, misterBee said:

Let me know if you would like some illustrations/art!  I will try to accommodate when I have time.

Appreciate it man. I never knew it was so cheap to get a book printed, I would have planned it out better. I was just messing around on the internet found out and just went for it when I saw the price. You  can actually sell you book via Barnes & Noble. If you set up a vendor account. Not really trying to go there, but its cool for people who are.

Link to post

I'm glad I only put an order in for one print of the book. As I'm in the infancy of the follow-up I've been going back to the original to try to keep the narrative consistent as possible. I've got a few spelling errors that I've missed to despite going through the book to correct such issues. So I'm thinking in the future, I may gave a book four passes before getting a copy made. I actually tweaked my world map because of this as well. I altered a section of the east coast of Ehlesia and shifted the location of Vezetin Bay south. There is a major military action that takes place in my story that would not make much sense with the bays original location. It needed to be closer to the town of Quarus.  This also makes my improvised cover inaccurate 🤣

 

 

Edited by Darc_Requiem
Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 months later...

My mom really wants a copy of my book for some reason. The genre isn't even in her wheelhouse but I digress. I've gotten off my ass to work on the second editing pass. Having months in between my proofreads has been fruitful. I have three chapters (24,25, & 26) and the epilogue left but damn man. I feel like I didn't catch anything the first time through. Since I can't sleep and don't want to edit at this hour. I fiddled with my cover and made it look less bootleg this time around. The shade of blue is actually consistent now. Plus it looks a bit cleaner. I'll probably go with a red on black look for the next books cover...which probably won't be done until 2022.....or 2023.

 

Side Note: As I've said before, that name is a pseudonym. Given recent events, I'm glad I went that route.

 

6jeL2c5.jpg

 

Edit: Here is the original. It's pretty piss poor but I did just throw it together because I needed one to get a test copy printed.

fuxtUbT.jpg

Edited by Darc_Requiem
Link to post

Been giving this a lot of thought recently and concluded that for the type of story I want to convey I need to learn how to set a scene in a way that will more easily be adapted to animation.   I think in order to do that it might be a good idea to learn about cinematography and directing as a whole.   Anyone have any good sites for information for beginners in regards to that?

Link to post
7 minutes ago, Angel said:

So what is this book about?   Looks like someones dnd campaign

I supposed you could look at it that way. I played MMOs back in the day. When I played Everquest 2. I gave detailed backgrounds for all my characters. Players actually thought I was different people.  I haven't played that game in like 15 years. I've always played around with writing a short stories for them. I chatting with friend of mine and jokingly said, "I should write a book." He said go for it and I fumbled my way through a 304 page story  of swords, sorcery, and political machinations that establishes my own world. It gives me the leeway to world build with several books or shorty stories If I'm so inclined. 

Link to post

I write songs professionally and one of the best pieces of advice anyone ever gave me about writing was to show rather than to tell. Rather than to tell people "This character is a alcoholic," show the character drinking in a bunch of scenes or behaving in ways consistent of an alcoholic.

 

In songwriting, you often have to convey a lot of information with very few words, so it's a fun challenge to see how much info you can give people with the fewest amount of words. 

 

BTW CONGRATS @Darc_Requiem on your book! I've written a few stories but the dedication it takes to finish a book I envy! 

Edited by DoctaMario
Link to post

@DoctaMario Thanks. You should give it a shot. If not for a random conversation. I wouldn't have tried. Some times it just takes a nudge from someone. So I'll pay forward the nudge I received by giving one to you. 👍🏾

 

Side note: Finished my second editing pass. Book length was 302 pages initially. Now it's up to 304. I'm going to start a third pass. If I get half way through and don't catch anything, I may just let it ride. 😉

Edited by Darc_Requiem
Link to post

I don't really have the time or the inclination to write a book I don't think. I kicked around the idea of writing one based on this personal code I have, but I'm not sure if I'm interested enough or if it would add anything to the world that isn't already there.

 

Songs are where my writing strength lies and I'm ok with that. I've written for magazines, blogs, etc, but I enjoy songwriting the most. There's a quote that a good some is a 3 act play in miniature.

Edited by DoctaMario
Link to post
39 minutes ago, Makrow said:

Any news of an official release date? I like supporting up and coming authors especially if it sounds like something I'd read.

I have yet to fill out the vendor information at Barnes & Noble. So, I'm honestly unsure. Spell and grammar checking a 300+ page book has proved more daunting that I first imagined. I'm paranoid that I've missed somethings. I don't want to sell a book that is full of errors as my posts tend to be. My brain works faster than my fingers. If my third editing pass works out, I'll look into getting the W-9 etc, so I'm allowed to sell it. I'm only allowed to make personal copies at the moment.

Link to post

Coming to this late but just wanted to say that this is some cool stuff Darc. 

 

I always wanted to try to really get into writing but just couldn't get the ball rolling . So madd respect for anyone putting (virtual) pen to paper and getting it done.

 

You asked for advice, well you are doing the thing I've seen every published author say someone should do: just sit down and write something. Anything. A lot of people lock themselves up on projects (lots of ways to do it) and never actually produce anything. Just like anything else the only way to get better at something is to put time into it.

 

Looking forward to the eventual release. 

Link to post
1 hour ago, GetTheTables said:

You asked for advice, well you are doing the thing I've seen every published author say someone should do: just sit down and write something. Anything. A lot of people lock themselves up on projects (lots of ways to do it) and never actually produce anything. Just like anything else the only way to get better at something is to put time into it.

This is good advice. In that book he wrote about writing called 'On Writing' Stephen King talks about how when he was coming up, he'd write 30 min every morning regardless. Sometimes good stuff would come out, sometimes it would be shit, but he'd do it. 

 

That's actually a really great book to read if you're a writer, I learned some good stuff from it even though it's a different medium than I usually write. 

Link to post

“On Writing” is a great book.

 

I used to dabble in fictional writing, and while i don’t remember any of it (lol, this was 10+ years ago), I remember taking a lot of good notes that helped my creative process.

 

there was also a good grammar and prose book, something along the lines of “who are you writing for” (though i can’t find this book in a google search) that was helpful too. I’ll try to keep looking for it, but i remember in the introduction, the author wrote about writing honeslty and being yourself. He summarized this thought with saying something like “as you’ll find out later in this book, the title should be ‘whom are you writing for’, not who, but I cannot write that - it’s not me”. That stuck with me as well, and helped me write a bit more concisely, as opposed to trying to fluff everything up, which I was doing based on my own insecurities and not trusting my audience.

 

edit: i cannot find a book with this title, which is odd because i remember it was recommended to me by a few different people and was a really popular book. Maybe the “who are your writing for” was the name of a chapter within it, and that intro wasn’t an intro at all. I was looking for a white and blue cover, which looks a lot like “On Writing Well” by William Zinsser, which I had as well and thought was good. Maybe that’s a part in it, or I’m mixing them up? I can’t remember, which sucks because i highly recommend it, and i’ve searched through a lot of books at this point.

 

Edited by Mattatsu
Link to post

@VhoziteYep, I still have my re-written arcs for Miranda and Jacob in ME3. One Drive saves  the day, I would have lost these when my hard drive went kaput last year other wise. 

 

Side Note: Just released I wrote these 8 years ago....where does the time go fam?

 

Darc's Miranda Lawson arc for ME3.

Spoiler

Post Mass Effect 2

 

After deciding to sever her ties with Cerberus and the Illusive Man at the Collector Base, Miranda knew she wouldn't be able to simply walk away. Her knowledge of Cerberus was significant and with Shepard's Alliance ties, she knew he'd arrange for her to disappear. Miranda had planned for this outcome. She had been working closely with T.I.M for years. He'd use something of importance to draw her out of hiding and eliminate her. That something would her sister.

 

Simply fabricating new identities for herself, Oriana, and her family wouldn't be enough. Miranda needed existing identities that would not draw attention. Fortunately, she had them. Using nearly all the favors she had left, Miranda had moved Oriana and her family right under T.I.M's nose. In addition she managed to secure a useful identity of her own.

 

Citadel First Meeting with Shepard

 

After leaving Mars for the Citadel, Shepard receives a message from Admiral Hackett. The message instructs Shepard to meet with Staff Lieutenant Mackenzi Norman*. Lt. Norman is a counter terrorism operative. She has an in depth knowledge of Cerberus. Given their actions on Mars, Hackett believes that having Norman on the team would be critical to Shepard's success.

 

Shepard arrives at Bay D24 to meet Lt. Norman. Shepard sees an Alliance Officer leaning against side railing with her back to Shepard. Her hair is blonde and she's holding her hat under her right armpit

 

Shepard: "Lieutenant Norman?"

 

Lt. Norman turns to Commander Shepard and salutes.

 

Mackenzi:"Commander Shepard, Staff Lieutenant Mackenzi Norman reporting for duty"

 

Shepard takes a small step back, staring intently at Lt. Norman.

 

Mackenzi: (while still saluting, she clears her throat) "uh uhm. Commander Shepard?"

 

Shepard: "At ease Lieutenant" Shepard chuckles briefly, then whispers, "Miranda, I never thought I'd see you in an Alliance uniform"

 

Miranda: "I couldn't stand idly by with the Reapers on their way." 'Mackenzi' , whispers. "This isn't the place for this conversation Commander. May I grab my gear and brief you on the Normandy sir?"

 

Shepard: "Report to the Normandy Staff Lieutenant, we have a lot to discuss"

 

Normandy: Debriefing

 

(Shepard arrives on the Normandy, before he has a chance to talk further with "Lt. Norman". Both officers are called to a meeting with Admiral Hackett via QCD)

 

Hackett: "Commander Shepard, I see you've meet with 'Lt. Norman'."

 

Shepard: "So you know about this sir?"

 

Miranda: "My contacts were able to fabricate or modify most of the existing files on Lt. Norman..."

 

Hackett: "But several files on Lt. Norman were classified due to the nature of her last mission."

 

Shepard: "That makes sense, Alliance brass wouldn't want it getting out that Cerberus had managed to take out a Rear Admiral and his entire squad."

 

Miranda: "When I tried to have myself assigned to the Normandy, I suddenly found myself face to face with Admirals Hackett and Anderson."

 

Hackett: "Lt. Norman's transfer request was flagged. Her personal files conflicted with our classified files on the Edolus incident. Anderson recognized the altered personnel photo."

 

Shepard: "I'm surprised you didn't throw Miranda in the brig"

 

Hackett: "If these were normal times Shepard, I would have. The most important thing was preparing for the Reapers. Lawson had in depth knowledge of Cerberus and your trust Shepard."

 

Miranda: "Hackett and Anderson had the classified records altered. I spent the last six months working with an Alliance science team. We had hoped to pool our knowledge on the Reapers to help build up our defense..."

 

Shepard: "But the Reapers showed up faster than we expected..."

 

Hackett: "With Cerberus interfering with our efforts, I thought it best to place Operative Lawson on the Normandy. If anyone can help you figure The Illusive Man's game it would be her."

 

Miranda: "The last place The Illusive Man would think to look for me is on the Normandy. I just hope Joker doesn't blow my cover."

 

Oriana Lost!?

 

Shepard: "Miranda, is everything okay?"

 

Miranda: "Alliance Command has lost contact with the Exodus Cluster"

 

Shepard: "It looks like the Reapers are trying to cut off our fuel supply. We'll need to step up our efforts to build the Crucible. We have reserves but....

 

Miranda: "That's not it Shepard. Before, I changed my own identity, I had to make sure Oriana was safe."

 

Shepard: "Oriana was in the Exodus Cluster? I suppose Terra Nova would be a good hiding place."

 

Miranda: "She was actually on Tyr. The Exodus Cluster is of vital importance to the Alliance. The Reapers are moving faster than we anticipated. We will have to redouble our efforts or there won't be much of a galaxy."

 

Shepard: "Are you going to be okay Miranda?"

 

Miranda: "I fine Shepard. If you'll excuse me, I have to meet with Liara. I've received some interesting intel from Gellix."

 

Grissom Academy (Jack interaction)

 

Jack: "Cheerleader!? Ahahahaha.."

 

'Mackenzi': "And here we go..."

 

Shepard: (winks at Jack)"This is Staff Lieutenant Mackenzi Norman."

 

Jack: (whispers)"That dye job, the uniform, I have to get pictures of this."

 

'Mackenzi': "I'm glad you are amused Jennifer...."

 

Jack glares at 'Mackenzi'

 

Shepard: "Do you two ever quit? This really isn't the time for this."

 

'Mackenzi': "My apologies Commander, it won't happen again sir."

 

Jack: (snickers)"If we get my students out of here safely, this experience will be totally worth it."

 

Shepard: "We should go. Let's move out."

 

EDI Interaction (Post Eva Core' reactivation)

 

EDI: "Lt. Norman, I notice change in your vital signs whenever we are in close proximity. Have I offended you in some way? I've noticed that there is 39.7% chance of my jokes having the opposite effect."

 

'Mackenzi': "No, EDI it is not you that I am annoyed with."

 

EDI: "It is highly implausible that you vitals signs would change in the same way when are in close proximity. I assure that I am endeavoring to improve my humor protocols."

 

'Mackenzi': "This had nothing to do with your damned jokes EDI. I am supposed to be the an expert on Cerberus tactics and methodology. Given my extensive knowledge of the Illusive Man, I should not have misjudge him so badly. So much for perfect g...superior intellect"

 

EDI: "Based on the reports coming from Lt. Taylor on Gellix, you are not the only human of high intelligence that was fooled by The Illusive Man."

 

'Mackenzi': "I see what you are trying to do EDI."

 

EDI: "Nothing I that I have said is untrue Lt. Norman. Although I am still confused by one thing."

 

'Mackenzi': "Why your new form seems to draw my ire?"

 

EDI: "Precisely"

 

'Mackenzi': "You figure and style of dress is identical to Operative Miranda Lawson. I would expect something like this from a juvenile simp like Engineer Donnelly, but not the Illusive Man."

 

EDI: "During the Collector mission, you did remark to Shepard that your designed to be 'perfect', the Illusive Man could have reached conclusion as Henry Lawson."

 

'Mackenzi': "No, it is one of many usual decisions that I've noted while researching his decisions. There is an obvious pattern that I should have noticed before now. The Illusive Man was always a pragmatist but some his recent actions just do not make sense. Not based on his earlier activities and general motivations for founding Cerberus in the first place"

 

EDI: "You believe that he is indoctrinated"

 

'Mackenzi':"He has to be. It is not the conclusion I want to draw, but is the one that makes sense. He never would have attacked Mars while the Reapers assaulted Earth. He would have temporarily set aside his differences with the Alliance and even the Council races to save Earth. The fact that he has not do so is near certain confirmation that he is under Reaper influence."

 

Message from Horizon

 

Specialist Traynor: "Lt. Norman, you've received an encrypted message from Horizon."

 

'Lt. Norman': "Horizon?"

 

Traynor: "The message attempted to rout itself straight to your terminal. Luckily, I had implemented a few security upgrades. EDI remarked that the encryption was remarkably similar to an algorithm used by The Illu.."

 

'Lt. Norman': "I am well versed in Cerberus protocols and algorithms, send to the conference room."

 

Traynor: "Should I notify the Commander?"

 

'Lt. Norman': "No, it's most likely nothing. I will inform Shepard of anything of relevance contained in the message."

 

Lt. Norman hurries to the conference room. As soon as the door closes behind her a "beep" can be heard coming from Traynor's station

 

Traynor: "If she had not stormed off in such a hurry, I would have told her that I'd already started decoding the message." A surprised look darts across Traynor's face. "Oh dear..."

 

EDI: "Should I alert Dr. Chakwas, Specialist Traynor?"

 

Traynor: "What?"

 

EDI: "Your heart rate has increased dramatically."

 

Traynor: "Oh that? It seems we have a Cerberus Operative on board. Of course I am sure you already knew that. EDI you have been holding out on me!" Samantha frowns.

 

Conference Room

 

Commander Shepard enters the conference. Shepard notices a look of relief on Miranda's face

 

Shepard: "I'm glad to hear that your sister is okay Miranda."

 

Miranda: "Yes, Oriana....what how did you know..?"

 

Shepard: "Traynor had already decoded the message. I don't think you'll be needed that Alliance uniform anymore."

 

Miranda: "It was a matter of time, we've continually added members of the Lazarus Cell to the team. Donnelly recognized me without look even looking me in the eye...

 

Shepard: "Same old Ken...."

 

After "Meet The Diplomats/Priority Sur'kesh"

 

(This is Miranda's perspective, if Wrex is alive)

 

Miranda: "So is it true Shepard?"

 

Shepard: "Is what true?"

 

Miranda: "I saw the Dalatross storm off Normandy. She was none to pleased."

 

Shepard: "The Salarians did create the Genophage and Krogans are known for carrying a grudge."

 

Miranda: "Quite right Shepard, but Wrex will keep them in check. He's not like Krogan I've come a cross before. Even the Krogan, I've met that were consumed with thoughts of battle lacked foresight."

 

Shepard: "Wrex is certainly different. I thought he was a common bounty hunter when we first met."

 

Miranda: "I am sure your influence has something to do with that."

 

Shepard: "Don't give me too much credit Miranda. Krogan live along time and he tried to unify is people long before either of us were born."

 

Miranda: "The Dalatross is right to worry. Just not for the reasons she believes."

 

Shepard: "Okay, you've got me interested. What are your thoughts on the situation."

 

Miranda: "She's clearly worried that, provided we defeat the Reapers, the Krogan will take advantage of the weakened state of the Council races. With both the Turian and Alliance forces devastated. The Krogan will be difficult to stop if they decided to go to war."

 

Shepard: "That is true, but they Krogan have no ships to make war with."

 

Miranda: "We won't have many ships left to defend with. Casualties will be heavy in this war and it will take decades if not centuries for The Council races to rebuild their forces and fleets. A cured race of Krogan will recover their numbers far faster than the rest of us."

 

Shepard: "I don't see how your reasons differ from the Dalatross'"

 

Miranda: "I was merely stated her case. As I have said, she's mistaken. Sure a foolish hotheaded Krogan leader would hop into war with the Council races, but Wrex isn't that type of Krogan."

 

Shepard: "I agree with you, but how does that make him more dangerous."

 

Miranda: "If he survives long enough, Wrex would likely change the Krogan mind set. In the near term that will make the Krogan less of a threat. Now if you consider the long term ramifications, You'd have a race of people with the Asari's longevity and the Turian's military prowess. Personally I'd rather deal with a bloody thirsty Krogan leader. Billions of brutes that rush blindly into battle are far easier to predict and defeat."

 

Shepard: "I'd never considered that Miranda. I can see why the Illusive Man valued your opinion so much. I'm glad you are on our side."

 

Miranda: "No Shepard, I'm on your side."

Shepard: "Well, it was nice talking to Miranda. I should go."

 

War Room, A Chat with Wrex

 

Miranda: "Ah, the infamous Urdnot Wrex."

 

Wrex: "Heh, infamous huh? I like the sound of that."

 

Miranda: "I've heard a lot about you Wrex."

 

Wrex: "I did take a Thresher Maw out on foot and I didn't need the 'Hero of the Citadel' to do it. Not even Grunt can say that. Ha."

 

Miranda: "Yes, I know all about your feats in battle. That is not what I find impressive about you."

 

Wrex: "So you find me impressive huh? Don't let Bakara hear you say that. I'd rather tangle with a Reaper than her"

 

Miranda: "Bakara?"

 

Wrex: "What did the Salarian call her? Ev? Ive?"

 

Miranda: "Ah, you were referring to Eve."

 

Wrex: "Yeah that's it."

 

Miranda: "Anyway, what I found impressive about you is your leadership. Unifying the Krogan clans and negotiating a Genophage cure is no small task."

 

Wrex: "There was time when the Krogan weren't just hired muscle. I get my way, that time will return."

 

Miranda: "We'll have to survive the Reapers first."

 

Wrex: "Shepard will get it done. I mean Turians and Krogan have been at each others throats for centuries. Shepard shows up and we have an alliance."

 

Miranda: "Any Krogan with half a brain would have made the same deal. You are smart enough to keep the Alliance after the war. That is what makes you dangerous."

 

Wrex: "Is that threat?"

 

Miranda: "No, just an observation. Watch yourself Wrex, Krogan upstarts won't be the only threat to your rule."

 

Citadel Coup (VS Confrontation-Ashley)

 

Ashley: (draws her pistol)"Hold it right there Commander!"

 

Shepard: "Ash, we've come to save the Council. Cerberus just tried to assassinate Councilor Valern. He'd learned that Udina had been working with Cerberus..."

 

Ashley: "Save the Council? I want to believe you Skipper, but.....you are here with them. How can I be sure that you aren't still Cerberus? That they aren't still Cerberus"

 

Miranda: "By them, I assume she's referring to us Jacob."

 

Jacob: "I really thought you knew me better than that Williams."

 

Ashley: "I'm sorry JT, I just can't take any chances right now"

 

Tevos: "Spectre Williams makes a good point Shepard. You claim to be here to save us, but you show up with two former Cerberus agents."

 

Sparatus: "How do we know that you haven't eliminated Valern? It is easy to say you've come on his behalf when can't verify that fact."

 

Udina: "We have to evacuate the Citadel. We don't have time for this Shepard."

 

Shepard: "This wouldn't be the first time that any of us here has saved this Council. I asked Admiral Hackett to send you aid when the Geth attacked you on the Destiny Ascension"

 

Sparatus: "Yes, Shepard. We are here today thanks to your efforts at Battle of the Citadel. However that was 3 years ago and a lot has happened in that time."

 

Jacob: "He's right Shepard. A lot has happened. Ambassador Jath'Amon's Batarian plot to assassinate the Council for example. Ring any bells?

 

Miranda: "Now that you mention it. That does sound familiar Jacob. I could have sworn, I provided intelligence to a former Alliance Lieutenant that managed to foil that plot."

 

Jacob: "Yeah, what was that guys name again. Hmmm...I think it was Jacob Taylor"

 

Ashley: "Wait JT, you two rescued the Council from the Batarians?"

 

Udina: "Enough of this, they are obviously trying to stall us. We have to leave NOW!"

 

Sparatus: "I have doubted Shepard before and it has gotten us nowhere. Maybe we..."

 

(Panicking, Udina draws his gun. Tevos tries to take the pistol away from him and is tossed to the ground)

 

Ashley: (turns and fires at Udina dropping him with one shot)

 

Jacob: "Damn Williams, dropped him in one shot. You were always the best shot on Eden Prime"

 

Ashley: "Skipper...JT...I can't believe I....I'm sorry."

 

Shepard: "Ash..."

 

(Sparks begin to come through the Elevator doors as they are sliced open. Shepard, Miranda, Jacob, and Williams all draw their weapons. Sparatus takes the fallen Udina's gun and takes aim. Meanwhile, Tevos gains a brief blue aura before throwing a biotic barrier around herself Sparatus.)

 

Bailey: "I should have known you'd have things well in hand Shepard."

 

Tevos: "I thought Cerberus was after us?"

 

Bailey: "They were Councilor. They beat feet for the tunnels once they saw we were on our way. I guess they figured Udina had been discovered and decided to cut their losses."

 

Sparatus: "Shepard....thank you."

 

Ashley: "I never thought I'd see that."

 

Miranda: "This coup attempt....it confirms my worse fears."

 

Jacob: "There can't be any doubt now. This attack. The intel I got from Brynn and the others."

 

Miranda: "The Illusive Man is indoctrinated"

 

Shepard: "Don't worry. We'll stop him and we'll stop the Reapers."

 

After Omega (Miri's Thoughts On Petrovsky)

 

TBD

 

Staff Lieutenant Mackenzi Norman*

 

With her sister safe and sound, Miranda took the identity of Staff Lieutenant Mackenzi Norman. Miranda learned of her when she researched Shepard's previous dealings with Cerberus. Lt. Norman was assumed K.I.A on Edolus with the rest of her squad. Unlike the others her body was never found. She had no living relatives. Everyone that had served closely with had been killed.

 

Jacob's version of this confrontation will feature Kaidan and no he will NOT have the same dialog as Ashley

 

Darc's Jacob Taylor arc for ME3

Spoiler

Post Mass Effect 2

 

Jacob decided to remain on the Normandy with Shepard. He didn't have the contacts Miranda did within Cerberus. He thought his best chance of helping prepare for the Reapers was to re-enlist with the Alliance. Shepard had vouched for him with Admiral Anderson. With Shepard having to be shelved for political reasons after the destruction of the Bahak system, Anderson entrusts Jacob to perform the legwork that Shepard cannot.”

 

War Room QEC Message From Jacob

 

Jacob: (salutes)”Commander Shepard”

 

Shepard: “At ease, Lieutenant”

 

Jacob: “I'm glad to see you made it off Earth, Shepard. I don't understand how the Reapers could have crushed our defenses so quickly”

 

Shepard: “I hadn't felt that helpless since the Collector attack at Alchera...”

 

Jacob: “Things are that dire and Anderson still stayed behind. We are going to need our best if we stand a chance of winning this war.”

 

Shepard: “At least with Anderson there, we may have a home world to go back to.”

 

Jacob: “True enough. I was actually on my way to meet you on the Citadel. Anderson had ordered me to me join your team, but my orders changed. Hackett has a new mission for me.”

 

Shepard: “I could really used you on the team Jacob. If Hackett is sending you elsewhere it must be important.”

 

Jacob: “It is. I can't get into specifics though. Sorry Shepard. I have my orders.”

 

Shepard: “I understand Jacob.”

 

Jacob: “I can tell you this much Shepard. A former Cerberus colleague reached out to me. The attack on Mars was just the tip of the ice berg. I don't know what the Illusive Man is thinking.”

 

Shepard: “He claimed to be all about protecting humanity and he pulls this in our most dire hour.”

 

Jacob: “Well, I have to get back to it Shepard. I may be not be meeting you at the Citadel, but Hackett has arranged for some back up.”

 

Shepard: “Back up?”

 

Jacob: (smiles slightly) “It's a surprise Shepard.”

 

Shepard: “Stay safe out there Jacob.”

 

Jacob: “You do the same Commander.”

 

Priority: Gellix*

 

Subsequent to the events of Priority Palaven, Shepard receives a message from Admiral Hackett. The SSV Virmire** is over an hour late for a rendezvous with the Fifth Fleet. The Virmire was running a classified operation. He orders Shepard to go to the planet of Gellix in the Arrae system.

 

The Normandy arrives in the Arrae system. EDI detects two Cerberus cruisers in orbit around Gellix. As they move to intercept the Normandy. EDI detects an Alliance frigate. After a brief conversation with Captain Ali Bashir of the SSV Virmire. Shepard decides to lead a small team down to Gellix via Shuttle while the Normandy and Virmire engage the Cerberus cruisers

 

Steve: “Hold on Commander, it's going to be a bumpy ride. I'm detecting two A61- Mantis Gunships.”

 

Shepard: “Wont the Kodiak's stealth system keep them from detecting us?”

 

Steve: “Yes Commander, but it won't prevent the gunships' pilots from seeing us.”

 

James: “Looks like you get to back up all that tough talk aye Esteban?”

 

Mackenzi: “Shepard, we should have heard something from Jacob by now”

 

Shepard: “Cerberus is jamming our comms.”

 

Steve: “I'll drop you off before they notice us. Oh and you might want to check the boots on the grounds James.”

 

James: “Holy shit! They really want to get their hands on those scientists Loco”

 

Mackenzi: “Is that your colorful way of saying we have our work cut out for us James.”

 

James: “You know it Curves”

 

Shepard: “Let's move out. Watch your six Steve, I think those gunships just saw us.”

 

Steve: “On it Commander, I'll swing back around as air support once I take them down.”

 

Shepard, James, and 'Mackenzi' battle through a large contingent of Cerberus ground forces. Upon arriving at the entrance to the facility, they spot Jacob and his team being pinned down by a group of Atlas Mechs. Things don't look good

 

Jacob: “How you holding up Durand?”

 

Durand: ”I'll be fine sir, it's just a flesh wound. I've seen worse. Corporal, how are those shield generators coming?”

 

Bowman: “They are back up Lieutenant. They won't last long against these mechs.”

 

Jacob: “Good job Kate. Take Durand and fall back. I'll cover you.”

 

Durand: “No way sir, I'm not leaving you alone against three mechs!”

 

Jacob: “That's an order 2nd Lieutenant.”

 

Jacob throws up a barrier and draws the enemy fire. Corporal Bowman and Lieutenant Durand fall back into the facility while the enemy is distracted. Jacob takes cover behind some nearby metal crates.”

 

James: “Check out the cajones on this guy.”

 

Jacob: “Shepard?”

 

Shepard: “I see you've been pinned down by mechs again Jacob.”

 

Jacob: (chuckles) “We have to stop meeting this way Commander.”

 

Shepard: “We need a little help here Cortez.”

 

Steve: “Three scrap piles coming up Commander”

 

Cortez opens fire on the Atlas mechs and makes good on his word

 

James: “You might be a decent pilot after all Esteban”

 

Steve: “Drinks are on you, the next time we hit Purgatory Mr. Vega”

 

Mackenzi: “Are you injured Lieutenant?”

 

Jacob: “Mi...my barrier held. I'll be fine Mackenzi.”

 

James: “Old friend of your Curves?”

 

Jacob: “Curves?”

 

Mackenzi: (sighs) “Don't worry Jacob, you'll have a nickname soon enough.”

 

Jacob: “Let's get inside Shepard. I'll introduce you to Dr. Cole and my team.”

 

Inside the base on Gellix

 

Jacob: “Shepard meet my team. This is...”

 

Shepard: “Kate Bowman and Lieutenant Marie Durand”

 

James: “Loco, you psychic or something?”

 

Kate: (salutes) “Good to see you again Commander.”

 

Shepard: “Surprised to see you here Kate.”

 

Kate: “After what happened to Aaron...I....”

 

Shepard: “You don't have to explain....”

 

Medic: (looks up at Shepard)

 

Shepard: “Sorry...I don't know you. I've met Kate and Marie before.”

 

James: “Ah....too bad. I really could have used you at my next card game Commander.”

 

Bordeaux: (salutes) “Service Chief Felipe Bordeaux, it's a great honor to meet you sir.”

 

Shepard: “The honors mine Chief, how is Lieutenant Durand doing?”

 

Durand: “I'll be fine Commander, you always seem to pull my ass from the fire.”

 

Jacob: “You and me both Durand”

 

Mackenzi: “We are not clear yet. At least not until get those Cerberus ships out of orbit.”

 

Joker: “Commander Shepard?”

 

Shepard: “What's your status Joker?”

 

Joker: “I have good news and bad news Commander.”

 

EDI: “Shepard we have managed to force the Cerberus Cruisers into retreat. Unfortunately, an unidentified Dreadnought class ship has entered the system.”

 

Joker: “EDI! I was going to tell Shepard. Anyway Commander we don't have much time. You need to get those people out of there”

 

Jacob: “We were planning to evac the scientists with the three shuttles on site..”

 

Mackenzi: “We'll have to come with a new plan of action.”

 

James: “Yeah, they aren't going to just sit there and let us evac. We're sitting ducks.”

 

Dr. Cole: “Jacob, just take our data and go. We've wiped all our backup drives. I'll set the self destruct sequence and...” Brynn takes a hard look at Mackenzi. “You look familiar...”

 

Mackenzi: “There is no time for this. What are we going to do Shepard?”

 

Shepard: “Joker, you think you and EDI can keep that Dreadnought busy for a while?”

 

Joker: “Well I AM the best pilot in the Alliance.”

 

EDI: “I believe that is a yes Commander:

 

James: “Just because I call you Loco doesn’t mean you have to act....well Loco”

 

Jacob: “I like the way you think Shepard. Come in Captain Bashir?”

 

Bashir: “Lieutenant Taylor? Is everyone okay down there?

 

Jacob: “Thanks to our backup.” Jacob nods toward Shepard. “I need you to land the Virmire. We are going to evacuate entire facility in one trip.”

 

The Virmire lands on Gellix. All of the scientists, along Shepard and Jacob's teams, board the Virmire. Once everyone is clear, Dr. Cole initiates the self destruct sequence. With everyone safe, the Normandy and Virmire use there stealth systems to evade the Dreadnought and meet up with the Fifth Fleet.


After: Gellix

Citadel Coup (VS Confrontation-Kaidan)

 

Kaidan: “Shepard?"

 

Shepard: "Kaidan, we've come to save the Council. Cerberus just tried to assassinate Councilor Valern. He'd learned that Udina had been working with Cerberus..."

 

Kaidan: (reluctantly draws his weapon) "You have to admit this doesn't look good Shepard. You show up during a Cerberus coup d' etat, flanked by two former Ceberus agents"

 

Udina: “Spectre Alenko! What are you doing? It is clear that Shepard is working with Cerberus. Stop them!”

 

Jacob: "You seem awfully jumpy Udina. Like a man that has something to hide."

 

Miranda: "It is rather convenient that you've managed to make it to the only car that Ceberus hasn't destroyed on this level."

 

Sparatus: "How do we know that you haven't eliminated Valern? It is easy to say you've come on his behalf when can't verify that fact."

 

Shepard: “Jacob turned himself into the Alliance along the rest of Normandy crew. He could have ran. Instead he re-enlisted. He's been reporting directly to Admiral Anderson for months.”

 

Kaidan: “And Operative Lawson?”

 

Shepard: “Use your Omni-Tool to check the service record of Staff Lieutenant Mackenzi Norman. She's our counter terrorism expert. She reports directly to Admirals Hackett and Anderson”

 

(Kaidan checks Alliance records via his Omni-Tool)

 

Udina: “Spectre Alenko, We have to evacuate the Citadel. Time is of the essence.”

 

Tevos: "If Spectre Alenko can corroborate Spectre Shepard's information, I don't see the harm in waiting Udina "

 

Sparatus: "I have doubted Shepard before and it has gotten us nowhere.”

 

(Kaidan looks up from his Omni-Tool )

 

(Miranda smiles slyly)

 

Miranda: (salutes Kaidan):”Staff Lieutenant Mackenzi Norman, reporting for duty sir!”

 

Jacob: “I don't think I'll ever get used to that.”

 

Udina: “Is this some kind of joke.”

 

Kaidan: “It's no joke Councilor. I'm still listed as a Normandy crew member. I have access to their personnel files. Lieutenant Norman was assigned to the Normandy under Admiral Hackett's orders shortly after the Reaper assault on Earth.”

 

Udina: “What does that to with Lawson?”

 

Tevos: “Udina has a point.”

 

Sparatus: “Even I don't think Shepard would make such a poor attempt at subterfuge.”

 

Kaidan: “Look at my Omni-Tool”

 

Sparatus: “Lt. Norman and Operative Lawson are one in the same.”

 

Udina: “This is outrageous! (panicking, Udina draws his gun. Tevos tries to take the pistol away from him and is tossed to the ground)

 

(Jacob fires three shots, center mass. Udina falls to his knees before slumping to the ground)

 

Kaidan:”I always knew Udina could be a self serving bastard....but I never imagined this. It makes me wonder about my promotion to Spectre...”

 

Shepard: “Kaidan...”

 

(Sparks begin to come through the Elevator doors as they are sliced open. Shepard, Miranda, Jacob and Alenko all draw their weapons. Sparatus takes the fallen Udina's gun and takes aim. Meanwhile, Tevos gains a i blue aura before throwing a biotic barrier around herself Sparatus.)

 

Bailey: "I should have known you'd have things well in hand Shepard."

 

Tevos: "I thought Cerberus was after us?"

 

Bailey: "They were Councilor. They beat feet for the tunnels once they saw we were on our way. I guess they figured Udina had been discovered and decided to cut their losses."

 

Sparatus: "Shepard....thank you."

 

Kaidan: "It looks like this day is still full of surprises. Shepard....we'll talk later. I'll help Bailey escort the Council to safety"

 

Miranda: "This coup attempt....it confirms my worse fears."

 

Jacob: "There can't be any doubt now. This attack. The intel I got from Brynn and the others."

 

Miranda: "The Illusive Man is indoctrinated"

 

Shepard: "Don't worry. We'll stop him and we'll stop the Reapers."

 

Notes:

 

*The events of Gellix take place sooner in the story in my ME3 Story arc.

 

**The SSV Virmire is a modified Normandy class Frigate named for the Assault on the planet Virmire. Unlike the SSV Ain Jalut which is identical to the original Normandy, SSV Virmire sports numerous enhancements over the original design. The ships upgraded design was overseen by Rear Admiral Mikhailovich.

 

SSV Virmire Specifications:

 

  • 50% Larger Tantalus Drive Core
  • Silaris Armor Plating
  • 3 Thanix Cannons (one on each “wing” and one on the fuselage)
  • CBT (Cyclonic Barrier Technology) Kinetic Barriers.
  • GARDIAN (General ARea Defense Integration Anti-spacecraft Network) Lasers
  • 4 decks (Deck 1 “No-Frills” Captains Quarters. Decks 2-4 identical* to the Normandy SR-1 layout. *Original Deck 2 location of the Captain's Quarters has been converted to Crew Quarters. The Virmire sports a traditional Alliance CIC

 

Link to post
22 hours ago, Darc_Requiem said:

So why did my writer's block go away at 1am and I was up writing unti 4:30am when i have to be up at 6:30am? 😑 Honestly, if I didn't have to work, I would have stayed up and kept writing. Here's to a day on 2 hours sleep 😔 I'm getting to old for this shit 👴🏾

When the mental floodgates open, they open, and you just kinda have to deal with it then and there. Happens to me sometimes after I feed my cats in the early AM. At least you got something productive done. I usually just end up lying in bed for an hour or two thinking about dumb shit. 😁

Link to post
  • 2 months later...

I'm salty as fuck right now and I have no one to blame but myself. I accidentally save an older version of my second book over a newer one. So the proofreading I did for the first two chapters, and addition I wrote to the 4th chapter are poof gone. I'm too mad to even try to re-write what I wrote. The proofreading is whatever, I can go back and do that. But what I wrote is gone for good. Yeah I know what I wrote and I can re-write but It's not going to be written the same way.  Great job...me 😡

Link to post

Less salty today. I am finally about to wrap up chapter 4. Can't wait to start chapter 5. I feel like I've been messing with chapter 4 forever. I need to pick up the pace. I'll be a literal fossil at the rate I'm making progress. Glad this isn't a job 😉 So many games, so many shows, so little time 😑

Link to post
On 12/29/2020 at 7:30 PM, Darc_Requiem said:

I'm salty as fuck right now and I have no one to blame but myself. I accidentally save an older version of my second book over a newer one. So the proofreading I did for the first two chapters, and addition I wrote to the 4th chapter are poof gone. I'm too mad to even try to re-write what I wrote. The proofreading is whatever, I can go back and do that. But what I wrote is gone for good. Yeah I know what I wrote and I can re-write but It's not going to be written the same way.  Great job...me 😡

Write it again. Chances are it'll be better the second time around anyway.

Link to post
1 minute ago, DoctaMario said:

Write it again. Chances are it'll be better the second time around anyway.

Already did,  it was why I was less salty in my previous post. I think the recreation is better overall but I don't think the dialog flows as well as the original. Really wish I had an photographic or at least an eidetic memory. That sort of recall would be great for writing. 

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
  • Create New...
Stage Select