Emptyeyes_

Wow....omg...

Meme lol

A mugshot meeting halfway there. Lol.

My original backup who wanted to work this case and my health providers and other outside of that. Worse I've done was potentially ruin two people's reputation in front of the judge, which one of them whom I've gotten to summon who happen to have many connections when it comes to "petty plotting" with law enforcement. That someone is a family member whom I was strong advised to drop the charges before court date and to leave state, before I get screwed back. That's why my backup didn't want to work this case, even if I could've gotten a conviction against one of them.

All court cases dissolved today. Was recommended to leave the state. Had it coming. Though it does bring some relief for me in feeling like I shouldn't be such a doormat. I'll deal with whatever comes after.

Money, emotional support, and errands. Something that I didn't feel reward in doing sadly, but felt optimistism beforehand. Love just isn't for me. I've tried to understand it, but failed to do so. I've hurt others around me for opting out as a result. The people that I was with knew about it, but still wanted to keep me around, because it was convenient for what I could do for them. You have two extremes here. One is with me who "conceited that love is inconvenient" as a result of "forfeiting my commitments" versus the other side who says they "love you, but manipulate you and use you at the sametime". Same people that I wanted to change, but it wasn't my place to. They are the type that can't take no for an answer, no matter how many times you cut them off prior. You can only say "no" so much to where you get compromised as an outcome. This is what I've explained in my replies to DoctaMario from the dating topic about being looked as property after they've gotten so use to you. So, it's a very buried alive situation here, and since they were plotting violence, I've blocked that with a restraining order. The information on there is so catastrophic by me, ratting people out from my triggers, from my agitation to the fallout where it can ruin their lives, if not already. I just should've left this state. Even my health department told me I'm on my own and they feel in danger of the situation, should any of the people I was with saw them. I just should be alone forever, at this point. My lack of control from my own emotional state, over my mind? Incompetence.

No. It's perfectly my fault for following said commitments in the first place, knowing that it doesn't benefit me but only them. I've only excused it, due to how I've felt about them, but they have a hard time loving me back. It's a compromising situation where I'm to blame for it, knowing that I was inept in handling the situation. However, them threatening me wasn't the answer to solve things. Cases like this, no good will come of it. It was feelings over logic. I attract the worst people, but I'm my own enemy to love them back.

If you have a serious controlling problem where i should submit to you without respecting my boundaries, I'll cut you off. That's the point. Though I have take responsibility for giving benefit of the doubt, constantly. I'm not good with that level of authority anymore.

Yeah. I regretted loving these people. It's more like catering to people where your heart says one thing about caring for them and its feels good, but your brain tells you that they weren't good for you to begin with. So, it's complicated. I just do better alone.

Seems I need to be strong and see this court case through as a petitioner. I wish that specific people didn't see me a usable to their own life's predispositions no matter who I've gotten close to, but they expect you to follow those mutual agreements. Should you decide to opt-out of those mutual agreements, they show their real self to you, presenting a danger to you and themselves. Maybe I should've listened to my former psychiatrist by leaving to state last year, to start over somewhere else. Granted, once this is over.

It's the music especially that comes full circle in this situation. Omg.

Get well soon. Hopefully it's not that severe for you in outcome. Multiple different viruses, including this one, are coming back. It's troubling and messy to say that least.

My theory with the race, sex, gender expression, and sexuality switching with characters and with every WTF decision and reaction for marketing and selling purposes are just that to me. It's done on purpose staggering reactions, curiosity for seeing out of remorse, and for intended to have lower ratings. LOL. Those corporations just trolls for a reaction. It's been working for a while. I'm amused by it. XD

Looks like I can do MMA and martial arts training again. L-arginine, vitamin d3 and k2 combination made me feel so young in the context of much better general wellness. However, going back to it will be strictly for philosophy.

I never watch any movies. LOL. This looks laid back though, but she's always gorgeous to me.

Edgy artist. LOL.

Well, I get to work more at home now. In the position to. Heat exhaustion to heat stroke symptoms a few weeks ago really made me consider things.

Wow. One of my old apartments that I've evacuated from due to Hurricane Ida, have asbestos now from a housing rights meeting that I've attended today. The complex is still on-going with the same original deep rooted issues, but asbestos makes it worse. Plus, with heavy renovation with the residents living, created a health and safety hazard, where dust for example with potential chemicals in it passing through multiple resident's central air inhaling it? That's Louisiana for you. Even if it's been two years since I've not lived there, they've said I'm qualified for a breach of contract, due to unsafe living conditions, and neglection of protected property. It almost sounded like compensation. We'll see next week. But with this considered, it was the same owner who prevented FEMA from entering the building, because so that more residents at the time won't file a lawsuit any further.

"Penetrating The Cream Dynasty".