Emptyeyes

So, people still won't let this go? I can't change the misidentification of me by the conclusion of those in this forum and that's fine. I should not be controversial at all though, as I'm a typical person like everyone else, but people seem to continue being suspicious of me from trivial things. Even if I went live disproving the contrary, most will still maintain that I'm The Damned. And this is how I feel on the subject and rest of your post now:

I have a thing for katana and other weapons that are either inspired/abstract from various or previous cultures. It was months ago, I think I've seen Japanese weapons on amazon in the deep hundreds of dollars that were homemade. I would like to properly defend myself one day through weaponry and find a local weapons shop that is more legitimate on the duration of what they sell. Even if I have an anti-gun policy, it's tempting to revisit it again, because those juveniles are very bold in my city with violating the law. I recall at the shooting range many years ago, as my body was very sensitive toward pistols and was exhausting my hands on shoots fired. Someone had to catch me while firing a shotgun and even recorded me falling back, due to the intolerable force. I think weapons of primitive times will be much easier to learn and manage. I'm pretty fragile toward guns.

There is one Dad that stood out to me for it's time and that's Bardock. The great lengths that he went to for revenge and affection for his deceased comrades, without help from the Saiyan race, and how insignificant he was compared to Freeza and his forces resonates with me. The only anti-hero anime Dad I've ever liked.

It summarizes the perceptions and feeling boxed in of choices restricted to what life demands, which I have a negative opinion on it that differs to the majority. Anyway, I'm already in therapy and psychiatry, though it's something to bring up to them.

This is an unpopular opinion, but I'm working to reverse this down the line. "I'm officially numb at the desperation by feeling pressured to pursue relationships in order to be validated. Solitude and relationships are tricky subjects in my case, because I always viewed one as less miserable than the other from the unappealing compromise of the two. While solitude isn't the ideal life to live, feeling obligated, but at the absence of wanting to form and preserve bonds, from family for example, has become a chore to preserve again in recent times from depression. This makes it extremely difficult to progress in therapy when trying to make friends or having a partner and the negativity throughout my life has always been a mostly accessible feeling and easily influential state to worsen dwelling in than approaching positivity. Sometimes, I feel like I don't have the adequate range of emotional connections to understand what a genuine form of change really is. So, the question is, how do I shake this cycle? It's not that I don't want to change, but I've always struggled to relate to what is considered to be the norm. I fully understand now on why my mother was worried about me before she died." I think this is among the worst unpopular opinions of stagnating a person's life. But, a shred of optimism can go a long way. I hope I'll conquer this one day. The first sentence of the quotation definitely relates to this song.

Thank you for the info, you all. I guess that leaves a new PC then. I like NullDC Bear and planning on going back this application. My current PC barely exceeds the process of running this application. Anyway, I've came back here, because my mentor convinced me to concentrate on the little things in life before building myself up on the harder things in life.

Ok, now I understand. I will say that I wasn't sexually active either in my childhood other than the molestation case, which unconfused my mind. I broke my virginity much later in life.

I can't change your mind, unfortunately, because the mouth can say anything, but the brain cannot. I would like for you or anyone that agrees with you to go into in-depth detail on why I'm THAT identical to him?

He is going to reply to me regardless, even if my posts aren't directed to him. That's the annoyance I have. And his hunger associates with being possibly infatuated by me, which I take no flattery of it. I definitely believe that's the case, because otherwise, he wouldn't be targeting me so much for his own special interests. It's not like he's going to admit it either, because he needs a platform to stand on. He is repressed and takes on a new level of miserable.

I'm curious. Are there any similarities between me and The Darkness? I have no recollection of the user. However, I will admit over the years in other forums that I've had usernames that associated with darkness, depression, or stoicism, such as the current name I have now.

*Sigh* Unfortunately, that's permanent now. Thank my mentor for that. It's a mystery to me that I'm an open target for future memes, corny jokes, and the like, either here or on discord. I can see a little wit and friendly humor about someone, but for malicious intent is uncalled for. Though I will be doxed in the future on the later decisions I make and I'm going to have to accept that. However it is still an unhealthy obsession to direct your own issues toward someone. People are too old for this. Anyway, reflecting on what my therapist have said, as the discussion was about being dissatisfied with human interaction, be it virtual or not. The lack of adequate emotional connections to the norm has stagnated my personal growth and should start with the minor things in life on hopes to bury the negativity. Her discussion is what influenced me to came back here. Also, I've forgiven myself on wishing murder on you and I've also forgiven you. So there. It's just been a few days and you have already missed me, but I also realized that you can't build a bigoted reputation WITHOUT me. Unbelievable.

It appears that someone on discord edited my name to "Combodian Tier Cryson" and can't edited back to my original username. I think the moderator whom I've belittled there did that out of being triggered. So, I left the server. The gaming community is as childish as ever. Anyway, I'm not sure when I'm going to be back here, but if I do comeback, it will probably be in the distant future. I appreciated the engaging with users here. You have my heart. Gaming in general has been on the decline for years with me, because I don't have much of a attention span for it anymore. So, that's one of reasons of my over-activity here. Hopefully, that can change in the future. I think this forum has served it's purpose from my thoughts and feelings on subjects, at least temporarily. I've just exhausted and can't come up with anything else to say, returning to being silent, like I am outside of here. So, I'll see you all, when I see you.

The most "ouch" post I've ever read in a long time.

I wish the higher ups either ban Cisco now or someone confronts HIM with a sharp deadly weapon, where they pierce it deeply through HIS flesh, feeling out the depletion of HIS life slipping away. A little humor with bold letters that HE does, but it's all very tiresome. I've reached the point of no return with HIM. *Rolls eyes*

I've forget about this post, but wasn't he the Street Fighter 3 player in the older times who picked Chunli so much? I've also recalled him idolizing players like SaBre and Dark Tien. Yes, I've had my run ins with them in online gaming. They were well versed respectably.

Not me, but I've thought about it in recent times compared to the days of old. I think it can be a beautiful thing to have one or more, preferring a daughter a little more over a son. Maybe burying solitude can leave doors open for someone who could relate to or understand me, instead of looking at them purely for lust. Assuming if I would have a child in the future, I would prefer the biological method over adoption.

So, even some of the messy discord members are making fun of me by mentioning my nickname. Someone said that my "eyes aren't real" and said that I've "coked out". If true about coke comment, LOL. It's like I'm living in old times again with 20 year old boys on the server. It can't be helped....

I guess I would like to add to that is being concerned about failing to have a lifetime duration of what I could be passionate about. I would like to love doing a future job, instead of just to be working for survival, and just to exist. That always made things depressing for me and having a short-term interest on what I thought could be a lasting career, it led to despair. So, hopefully I could have a life long interest in things, because turns in a chore of obligation to deal with otherwise. Anyway, another impressive post from you.

And wouldn't be in therapy either. What I'm really trying to say is that I'm indecisive right now on which way I want to go to clear things up. But, nice read from you.

One question, if you don't mind me asking. How can we truly confirm what's universally a flawed path in life, when we have nothing of reference to an absolute, other than being dependent on our anecdotal experiences and subjectivity in things? When questioning this, I'm more pessimistic if personal progress for the individual is worth something. Sometimes, I wish that I could measure up to the notion of what's commonly believed from right or wrong. This always stuck with me, " Good and evil doesn't exist. What's left are only the diversities of perspectives and stand points that separates people".

I'll try to practice that. I've recently ran out of tolerance.

No, but your response here of being evasive from I've said supports my observation from the nature of you. It's nice that you've conceded, but it won't do any good, and that's on you. Know this, the more you try to get under my skin, the more I'm going to keep telling you about yourself, to where someday the dormant version of you will surface.

False. There is a difference between being considerate of how you act here than just putting on a silly gimmick. Your misrepresentation of yourself for the purpose of stirring up conflict is what provokes people. You talk about the definition a "real man", yet you've been "messy" the entire time. Your false sense of superiority is typical, because this is the internet, where it champions the likes of you and cowards. You can't confront and resolve the underlining issues you have in reality, so you need a virtual world to validate you.

Are you a whisker biscuit?

Well, I'm questioning of going back to how I formerly was in thought process and perception, in contrast to the present me. So, if I run into something discomforting, it triggers the feeling of questioning the lives of others and a degree of hopelessness of not seeing any value in them or life itself. Basically, it's hard to not act on my previous life. Having a typical philosophical view and living up it through works and love was always inconvenient for me, but I'm trying. How do people not tire of this? Living a previous nihilistic life was so much more accessible. I'll try to pull myself together and see you later.