iEmptyeyes

The ironic thing is, that she'll fully go on the same path as I did originally 11 years ago, which was the intent to push everyone away by no longer seeing any merit to keeping the peace in family and other love one's relations, which I returned to that path today. She feels the exact same about who is in her circle too. I can't keep my mother's deceased wishes anymore for example, as I was one of the very few that wanted to uphold that. The rest just didn't care after her funeral. So, I no longer care about them. I'm aware of her disorder, which she doesn't want to talk about it. Considering the way this reality was and still is set up for the honest path of honor and respect to get ahead fairly, I rather stretching the truth from now on. As much I was raised to disagree with this, being a good person is such a narrow path to profit from. Always. I can't be what other people try to be. It's too much of a chore. Yeah. I should know especially, that it did benefitted her much more than me, which is why I 've kept pushing her away. I was very attracted to her and kept taking her back, knowing in full well how we both felt about each other for years. We're just spending time with each other before we eventually go our separate ways, again. We agree that it will be permanent this time, because we both know that it's very unhealthy. I'm fine with it.

LOL. I feel like I'm stronger now. Mentally, at least. I think attachments that are too strong always left me highly vulnerable, but having strength is really what creates boundaries. It looks like she still considers me a bestie, but I think us giving the space we need really benefitted the both of us. I can't really blame what kind of person she is, considering our backgrounds are similar in pleasing people at the beginning, then get tossed aside. At the end, I can't judge her anymore. I'm no different.

Losing my best friend still have me in emotional turmoil, because I was attracted to her. Considering what we been through, which is a combination of love and hate personality quite honestly, I had to give her up to her future husband. He was seriously going to attack me that night, balling his fists up with a shitty look everytime we walked pass each other. Since I've dropped her, he's happy, and very much laughing at me. She, at this point, told me that if I say a remark towards him and if whatever happens, she'll have his back. And guess what? Her fiancé is like my father, so that's that. Honestly, at the sametime, it is for the best, because I was tired of us being all under each other. She's not dedicated to anyone, but instead use people for financial benefits and sex. As soon as she gets something out of you that's beneficial to her, she'll throw you away, and admit it to me that she'll eventually push everyone away. Either way, I could never deal with any form of love feelings. It's just inconvenient for me and investing my all in someone, and then something happens where we exile from each other, I break down, and it's brutal where I've been drinking too much lately over someone like her. I don't know if I can ever recover from this. It's best not to get close to anyone anymore, because I can't take rejection.

I'm surprised to put off a perfect against another high level player. He won a session. I won a session tonight.

Whatever brings money to Netflix, I guess. Once people accept that others are out for themselves, like most, they should improve on their apathy further more. Just don't support them anymore, as if they were worth supporting to begin with.

I agree. The thing is that they tried to force it on me. Had they not engaged in that, I wouldn't have let them go. My bestie is religious and her knowing full well that I'm anti-religious, she loves me alot and sympathize with me to not go there, especially due to past childhood abuse of an angry religious relative that I've kept my mouth shut for so he wouldn't have to do serious time. Doesn't mean I forgive him.

QIA = Queer, Intersex, and Asexual. I'm barely a part of the community in total, because they label me as "pansexual", since that basically means being sexually/romantically open to "all". Context I know. LOL.

Then, it wouldn't be worth it for me. It's one thing to progress in something and should you do, you have a degree of interest for that game, making it fun. Only the person draws the line of fun, if being dominant for them is a life or death situation. To me and only to me, such a lust for win blinds that person into reaching their full potential.

I was thinking about singing at bestie's wedding. I think they are on the fence about me singing there, because my singing voice is very soft/relaxed. I guess they are looking for a powerful singing voice. LOL. I was practicing new song lyrics lately and even if I raise up my performance when I'm drunk, my voice is still soft. LOL.

I'm not sure. I tend to type and try to correct spelling and grammar, before pasting it from a Wordpad or Microsoft Word. Think I've made a mistake somewhere. LOL.

It seems like I've breaking the barriers for high level Fighting Ex Layer Another Dash and also applying that to other newer fighting games. I'm becoming much more unorthodox, as a more effective way to approach various level player interpretations. Interesting that the prominent players did express confusion and frustration against the way I perform. However, a more conservative convenience was never that effective against them, as that can be solved without much trouble. I would need to find a way, however, for this discovery I've developed recently, to surface quickly at the beginning of the session, instead of later in those matches. However, I think the tendency for me to bring this out fully, depends on the quantity of the matches in standard. A FT5 against them is the mindset of requiring it very quickly and developing on it against my opponents. However, a FT10 and beyond, it's hard to sustain, due to an attention span problem. I guess I'll work on that.

I agree. This caters too much to new players, but that's long since the time we're in.

Wow. How unexpected. Considerate of them and actually decent costumes also. However, I'm confused and skeptical as well.

LOL. I'm trying to resist Stella Rosa today. Tch. Lovely good that is, where I hold my mouth open in a suggestive matter when I think about it. However, the rest of the butt hurt types yesterday, I've called them great names. I feel more proud of being antagonistic against them. It's rough being a good person to those who love to fuck with you. No more, however.

I need a drink now. He ruined my day. I think I'm going to start trolling those people for getting on my nerves from now on, plus being drunk in the process. That will show them. LOL.